Without You
by pantherscheer2010
Summary: Nikki thinks about Cam. Songfic to "Teardrops On My Guitar" by Taylor Swift. For heartstoppin'.


_ACTUALLY READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE, OR YOU MAY HAVE TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING THE STORY!!!_

_Author's Note: This is written as a Secret Santa for DC's fic exchange. There were some specific guidelines I had to follow, and I chose three of the specific things my Secret Santa asked for (the ones I thought I could work into this fic well). The three I chose were that it not be cliché, that it wouldn't have any fluff, and there had to be earmuffs mentioned (loved that one!). I'm worried it may be a little cliche, so I guess all of you need to let me know on that one. Sadly enough, I did something very goofy and changed "Drew" to "Cam" to go with the fic. Stupid, I know, but the whole thing makes more sense that way. Other than that, I apologize if the lyrics are incorrect. I googled them. This story takes place in January of seventh grade: Nikki and Cam are still close, but just friends, Claire and Cam are together. Heartstoppin', this is for you (okay, it sounds like I just introduced a song or something)._

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Clique or any of the characters, only the storyline. The song "Teardrops On My Guitar" belongs to Taylor Swift, who is lucky enough to have the voice to sing it, which I don't, so obviously it couldn't belong to me...okay, shutting up now._

_On to the story (from now on, the italics mean it's the comments on mySpace, which will take the place of dialogue in this story):_

Without You

by pantherscheer2010

**Cam looks at me,**

**I fake a smile so he won't see**

**That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be**

The words "New Comments" showed up in bright, attention-grabbing red as Nikki Dalton logged in to her mySpace account. She clicked on the link, and her heart involuntarily skipped a beat as she saw who the comments were from.

Before even clicking on the picture, she paused for a moment and just looked at his face. Cam was so gorgeous. If only he belonged to her.

Nikki had met Cam Fisher at camp last summer, and she felt sure there was a connection between them. Cam was quite possibly the most amazing-looking boy she'd ever met, with his thick dark hair and intense, mismatched blue and green eyes. He also had a great personality. He was always ready to listen to any problems someone might have and he was completely understanding. She'd felt like he really cared about her.

Unfortunately, she was too shy to let him know that she was in love with him, and without any kind of hint, Cam was clueless as to her real feelings. As far as he knew, she was fine with their just-friendship, and he was content to leave it there, too.

**I'll bet she's beautiful**

**That girl he talks about**

**And she's got everything that I have to live without**

"_Hey, Nik," _the comment read. _"How's your winter break been so far?"_

Nikki's heart constricted at his nickname for her. It was kind of like torture that they were such close friends. He didn't know anything about her crush, and he thought it was cool that she could give him advice about girls. He had no idea how much every IM, text, or mySpace message tore her apart.

"_Pretty good_," she typed back slowly. "_How 'bout you_?"

The reply came quickly. "_Awesome! You know how I was telling you about Claire_?"

"_Yeah."_

Nikki bit her lip so hard she could taste blood. He'd been going on and on about this Claire girl for months. In her mind's eye, she could see her rival: Tall and gorgeous, with long, flowing blond hair and crystal-clear blue eyes that Cam wanted to swim in. She probably wore exclusively designer clothes, something Nikki's family couldn't afford. And she had to have a loving, kind personality similar to Cam's if she had been able to capture her heart. Maybe she rescued small animals or something like that. Something that would make Cam fall in love with her.

**Cam talks to me**

**I laugh 'cause it's so funny**

**That I can't even see anyone when he's with me**

"_Well, I think she really likes me. Your advice worked_." Cam's elation was evident even though she couldn't see him. Nikki could picture his blue and green eyes sparkling, and feel his excitement over another girl. In her mind's eye, he looked exactly as she had hoped he would look when he thought about her.

The only problem was, he looked that way at the thought of Claire.

She still couldn't believe she had helped him get someone else. It was bad enough that she couldn't have him, and she still wasn't entirely sure why she had given Cam advice on getting Claire to like him. The best answer she could think of was that she loved him enough to want him to be happy, even if the price of that happiness was misery for her. She just hoped that someday he would know what she had gone through and appreciate it.

**He says he's so in love**

**He's finally got it right**

**I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night**

"_I actually think I might be in love with her. She's a really cool person._"

"_That's great, Cam_," she replied, lying through her teeth. She didn't really think it was great that some other girl got Cam. All she wanted was for him to care about her the way he cared about Claire. And that was never going to happen.

She'd tried her best to forget about her crush. She hadn't wanted to torture herself like this, but she found herself feeling that if she couldn't have Cam as her boyfriend, it was better to be just friends than to not know him at all. It was insanely hard, and her self-imposed pain was probably relatively ridiculous, but she just couldn't leave him completely. If she got to be friends with him, the price was worth it.

**He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar**

**The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star**

**He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do**

Another comment showed up on the screen. "_I couldn't have gotten her without you, Nikki. Thank you._"

Nikki rolled her eyes. As if she didn't know that already. She had listened every time he wanted to gush about Claire. She had given him tips for courting (that was the only thing she could think of to describe it) Claire. And when he'd wondered what gifts to bestow on his supposed beloved, she'd recommended her own personal favorites, gummy bears.

"_No problem_."

Actually, it was kind of a big problem, for her anyway, but she didn't plan on letting him know that. He was happy now that he had Claire, and Nikki had no interest in ruining that for him.

**Cam walks by me**

**Can he tell that I can't breathe?**

**And there he goes, so perfectly**

**The kind of flawless I wish I could be**

He was too good for her, anyway. The Claire she pictured in her head was much more easily able to keep up with Cam, to give him what he deserved in a girl. A guy as absolutely breathtaking as Cam was deserved a girl who was equal. A beautiful girl who was self-confident and unafraid to be herself.

Nikki had doubts about her ability to do that. She felt in her heart that she probably wasn't the best match for Cam. But at the same time, she still wanted him. How was she supposed to go through life like normal when she knew that the most perfect boy in the world, the only boy she really thought she could ever love, was going out with someone else?

Sometimes life just wasn't fair.

**She'd better hold him tight**

**Give him all her love**

**Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky 'cause**

_I hope she appreciates you_, Nikki thought, not daring to type the words to Cam and risk revealing her feelings. Claire had no idea how lucky she was to have gotten a guy like Cam, and the girl better appreciate it.

_I swear, if she doesn't treat him right, I'm going to go to Westchester, hunt her down, and make her suffer_.

She didn't actually plan on doing that, especially since it would hardly make a good impression on Cam, but the general idea was very true for her. If Cam came on mySpace one day with a broken heart because of Claire, Nikki would be breaking a few things herself--preferably Claire's bones.

**He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar**

**The only the thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star**

**He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do**

A single tear trickled out of Nikki's right eye and trailed down her cheek. She tried to be a good friend to Cam even when he was breaking her heart, but it was _hard_. She didn't _want _to watch him fall in love with Claire. She didn't want to help him fall in love with Claire. She just wanted to throw her arms around him and have him love her back.

There were a few holes in that particular plan, though--it would be hard to throw her arms around Cam when she lived so far away from him, and, seeing as he was in love with Claire, he probably wouldn't be loving Nikki back anytime soon.

**So I drive home alone**

**As I turn out the light**

**I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight**

Cam had just posted a new picture on his mySpace--one of him and Claire. They had their arms around each other and were smiling brightly in the snow. Their cheeks were flushed and pink from the cold, and they were pressed close together—and, she noted with annoyance, Claire was wearing the exact same pair of fluffy white earmuffs that were Nikki's absolute favorites. Nikki felt slightly gratified to see that Claire was not quite the supermodel she'd been imagining--she was cute, with long, straight blond hair, blue eyes, and a kind of cherubic, sweet face, but she wasn't exceptionally tall or striking, and she actually looked like a sort of nice person. She looked like the kind of girl Cam would fall for.

Knowing that Claire wasn't perfect made Nikki feel just the tiniest bit better--but only a little bit. Sighing, she turned off her computer and climbed into bed. Just before she turned out the lights, she pulled a well-worn picture from under her pillow and gazed at it longingly. It was a picture of her and Cam sitting close together on the dock at camp, their shoulders almost touching. Their bare feet dangled in the water (which had been insanely cold), and she was wearing that stupid leather jacket he loved so much.

She smiled slightly as she looked at the picture. To her, it symbolized hope for her and Cam. Maybe he liked someone else right now, but there was always the possibility that something would happen someday. Someday . . .

And until that day, she would continue to put on a happy face and smile, and prove just how much she loved Cam by being a good friend to him.

**Cam looks at me**

**I fake a smile so he won't see**

_Author's Note: And that's it! I hope you enjoyed it, heartstoppin'. I left out a few lines of the song that were somewhat repetitive. I didn't think I could spend that much time saying the same thing about Nikki and Cam. Anyway, hopefully I got the stuff you asked for in there._

Very sorry for the delay posting this!


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